Selling Oranges
Letters To My Children, My Letters

Selling Oranges

Remember how people said we were such a striking couple?  They would say how did you meet?  I would let you respond because it was such a great story of how you met me on the side of the road and I was selling oranges.

We always got a laugh out of it I think mainly because the story got bigger with each telling.  But when you would take my hand and look into my eyes I knew that the way we really met was so very special to you too.

We survived shedding our protective skin to find a vulnerable, beautiful, sweet smelling, tasty, and fulfilling love.

I miss you and I study hard to understand death and I hear the teachers say that it is only to be absent in the physical world, and being present with God.  So you really are not dead the essence of you is not dead just your body is gone.  I still hear you in fact a friend and I were talking about you and street light started flickering.  She stopped and said wait and you must be standing near.  I get glimpses of you sometimes, and sometimes I thank God that its a way to show me you are really okay.  But some days its not enough because you’re not sitting on the couch watching TV or we are not taking our walk tonight.

I was told that you had your hand was on my left shoulder and you wanted me to slow down and in my dreams you said to not worry.   I wonder if people who have lost a loved one really understands heaven?  Right now anything in my life without you is foreign and even with the knowledge that my life goes on and that I will do all the things we dreamed of an more.  I won’t be the same in many ways love because we were a big part of each of our lives.

I started blogging my feelings for two reasons.  One because I need to write these feelings I can no longer contain them inside, but also because we had a life, a love, we had a story, we had a dream and it was worth sharing with friends and family and people we met daily.  So its worth me sharing to heal my heart.
Today I feel you over my shoulder smiling and just how you loved to hear me recite poetry and how you loved my poems.  I want you to know that whenever I eat or see an orange how it makes me laugh out loud….

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